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Mum life, Parenting

Dealing with the mum-guilt monster

What is mum-guilt?

It’s a difficult subject, but something that takes over your life a little bit when you become a mum. I’d always heard people discuss it, but until you become a mum I don’t think you understand the extent it can really seep into so many aspects of your life.

As a young(ish) first time mum, I’ve struggled on many occasions to battle the mum-guilt monster. It just comes in waves every now and then and can really knock your confidence as a mother and makes you question your ability to cope.

Things I often get mum-guilt about…

Sitting Stanley in front of the TV while I run round the house to tidy (not that he ever actually sits still any more but still).

Getting worked up when he is throwing a tantrum.

Not taking him to baby-sign classes or swimming lessons etc when I was on maternity leave.

Any time anyone else is looking after him. In the moment I enjoy the alone time but as soon as I actually think about it I feel guilty.

For working full time and sending him to nursery. But then I equally felt bad when I was a stay at home mum for not sending him to nursery – I’m telling you, you can’t win with the mum-guilt!!

Giving him a biscuit/some chocolate to get a minutes peace mid-tantrum.

The times where I zone out a little bit at social media just to feel like I’ve got something that’s my own and not work or CBeebies.

I feel guilty for complaining that I’m tired or moaning about Stanley’s tantrums.

For not completely filling in the damn baby book.

I could go on…

Why we shouldn’t let the mum-guilt take over…

Motherhood is hard. There’s no denying it. So why do we make it harder for ourselves by trying to live up to some impossible idea of what makes a ‘perfect parent’?

I don’t think you can escape the mum-guilt monster from grabbing you from time to time. But, I think it’s important to get some perspective and realise that the grass is always greener and you’re doing the best you can. Yes I feel guilty for going to work, but I felt guilty when I wasn’t working, just for totally different reasons. And I go to work to pursue my career, to show Stanley when he’s older that hard work pays off and to earn some pennies so I can treat my boy! But we can’t win – even with ourselves. So we have to learn to let go a bit and just be proud of whatever we achieve each day – even if some days that means keeping our sanity by feeding them chocolate all day in front of CBeebies to keep them quiet while you have a hot coffee!

So here’s a massive shoutout to all the mums out there battling the mum-guilt monster. It comes and goes. Don’t let it take over your life. Ask for help, talk to someone and remember – YOU’RE AMAZING!!!

Mother and son

I’d love you to give me a follow and keep up with my daily antics with Stanley and how I’m winging my way through life and motherhood! And to see that you’re not alone on the tough days!!

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What do you guys get mum-guilt over? Do you have some ways of helping yourself to move on from this? I’d love to know!

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